I just popped in to say I'm not feeling quite as creative as I usually do. This is number 4 of 12+ hours per shift, plus meetings this week. I haven't slept well for more than a week and I am *way* beyond exhausted.
Please, dear Lord, help me make it through the night...
Friday, October 8, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Owning it
In a world where there is tragedy around every corner, it amazes me just how many negative people there are. Yes, I am a glass half-full kind of girl, so I try to seek out the positive in every situation, even in cases that are truly horrific. I've stopped watching the news and reading about this epidemic on news websites because I just can't stand to hear it, day in and day out. It depresses me!
At first, it was actually pretty hard NOT clicking these websites daily because I had habitually done so for who-knows-how-many years. I had to make a conscious effort to stay away. It became easier with time, and I've now removed that primate from my back. Thinking about it now, it makes me sick to say I was addicted to reading about such things. Every time I logged on, I clicked through numerous stories. What a waste of energy and my chipper attitude!
In the spirit of Rachel Wilkerson I have prepared a little sumpin' for yo' azz!
That being said, the reason for this post is to say, Sorry I'm not sorry for banishing all the Negative Nellies from my life, virtual and otherwise. I live in Colorado, which is hundreds of miles away from most of these people, so there are few chances I'd run into them on the street and get an ear-full of the latest woe-is-me tale.
Facebook has allowed me to reconnect with grade school friends and stay in touch with family and friends back East. I really enjoy it and my page is all about being funny! Status Shuffle plays an integral part of the virtual me; I have a good time! I had a little over one hundred 'friends' on my Facebook page at one time; a lot of them relatives. I don't friend everyone who asks and my profile is not searchable for a reason. I make a conscious effort to deflect bullshit before it starts. And sometimes, I don't succeed. Thankfully, there is a 'remove from friends' button that can remedy that with one click. I've streamlined my list to include the people I actually interact with regularly. If your sole purpose to frequent FB is to rack up kills in MafiaWars, grow pot and screw sheep in FarmVille or act like a 'ho in YoVille, you're automatically banished. I couldn't give a shit what your high score is in Family Feud, and I certainly won't help you win Fast Money.
Another thing that will get you 'taking a long walk off a short pier' is airing out your dirty laundry and having absolutely nothing positive to say...about anything...EVER! My response is, "Don't let the doorknob hit you were the Good Lord split you" on your way out. It's hard enough to keep a genuine smile on your face without having to hear another 'He-Done-Me-Wrong' song because you made a bad choice and decided to sleep with a guy you met online after only talking to him for two weeks and you wonder why he won't return any of your messages. Or crying about how you can't afford anything, but refusing to change your spending habits or get a second job to help remedy the situation. Don't even try that one on me! I worked three minimum wage jobs in the one-horse town I grew up in to buy my first car. I work hard now and keep my spending in check, always covering my financial responsibilities before splurging on a 'little pretty' for me. And, I've managed to keep a meager savings account afloat for quite some time. That's a real accomplishment for me!
At first, it was actually pretty hard NOT clicking these websites daily because I had habitually done so for who-knows-how-many years. I had to make a conscious effort to stay away. It became easier with time, and I've now removed that primate from my back. Thinking about it now, it makes me sick to say I was addicted to reading about such things. Every time I logged on, I clicked through numerous stories. What a waste of energy and my chipper attitude!
That being said, the reason for this post is to say, Sorry I'm not sorry for banishing all the Negative Nellies from my life, virtual and otherwise. I live in Colorado, which is hundreds of miles away from most of these people, so there are few chances I'd run into them on the street and get an ear-full of the latest woe-is-me tale.
Facebook has allowed me to reconnect with grade school friends and stay in touch with family and friends back East. I really enjoy it and my page is all about being funny! Status Shuffle plays an integral part of the virtual me; I have a good time! I had a little over one hundred 'friends' on my Facebook page at one time; a lot of them relatives. I don't friend everyone who asks and my profile is not searchable for a reason. I make a conscious effort to deflect bullshit before it starts. And sometimes, I don't succeed. Thankfully, there is a 'remove from friends' button that can remedy that with one click. I've streamlined my list to include the people I actually interact with regularly. If your sole purpose to frequent FB is to rack up kills in MafiaWars, grow pot and screw sheep in FarmVille or act like a 'ho in YoVille, you're automatically banished. I couldn't give a shit what your high score is in Family Feud, and I certainly won't help you win Fast Money.
Another thing that will get you 'taking a long walk off a short pier' is airing out your dirty laundry and having absolutely nothing positive to say...about anything...EVER! My response is, "Don't let the doorknob hit you were the Good Lord split you" on your way out. It's hard enough to keep a genuine smile on your face without having to hear another 'He-Done-Me-Wrong' song because you made a bad choice and decided to sleep with a guy you met online after only talking to him for two weeks and you wonder why he won't return any of your messages. Or crying about how you can't afford anything, but refusing to change your spending habits or get a second job to help remedy the situation. Don't even try that one on me! I worked three minimum wage jobs in the one-horse town I grew up in to buy my first car. I work hard now and keep my spending in check, always covering my financial responsibilities before splurging on a 'little pretty' for me. And, I've managed to keep a meager savings account afloat for quite some time. That's a real accomplishment for me!
THAT, in a not-so-small (and punctuationally-challenged) nutshell, is my Sorry I'm not sorry post that I am owning.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Wanted:
- Somewhere to land for a fresh start.
- Someone to kick my butt into shape without me having to sell a kidney.
- Someone to love me for me.
- An exciting opportunity to do something I love for a living.
- A place of my own.
- Motivation. Lots of it.
- The ability to speed read with total comprehension and retention.
- A nap.
- Really good homemade mac 'n cheese.
- A high metabolism.
- A Vita-Mix.
- Some scratch off lottery tickets.
- The ability to do yoga without looking like a drunken idiot.
- A hammock on a tropical island with my name on it.
- A massage.
- A facial.
- To get my hair done professionally and not worry about burning up a Benjamin.
- New sneakers.
- My Amazon order.
- To not have to go back to DH...ever.
- A cabin in the mountains.
- A beach house on an island no one has ever heard of.
I could go on and on and on...
Flounder(not the fish)ing
I'm having a tough time. I know I am stuck in the mother of all ruts, but I can't get motivated to do anything about it. Each tick of the clock is a missed opportunity that I could care less if I've taken advantage of. I really have to talk to someone--a professional, unbiased someone.
I've been this way, off and on, for a very long time. Most people see me as happy-go-lucky, because that's how I portray myself. I'd say about 65% of the time, it is how I feel. The other 35% - the 'me' that few people see - is sad, lonely and wallowing in muck so deep it would be very easy to drown. I don't want to drown. I keep fighting because I know there is something worth fighting for out there. I know the last sentence should have read, "...I know I am worth fighting for."
I've been this way, off and on, for a very long time. Most people see me as happy-go-lucky, because that's how I portray myself. I'd say about 65% of the time, it is how I feel. The other 35% - the 'me' that few people see - is sad, lonely and wallowing in muck so deep it would be very easy to drown. I don't want to drown. I keep fighting because I know there is something worth fighting for out there. I know the last sentence should have read, "...I know I am worth fighting for."
Sunday, September 26, 2010
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Oh what a day I had today! I worked my 12 hours last night and decided that I wanted to go to church this morning. Mile Hi Church is the most amazingly inspirational place of worship I've ever been. I've attended services at many different churches throughout my life, but this is, by far, my favorite and I really look forward to going when I am able. Today would have been my dad's 63rd birthday, and I'm not sure if that compounded my desire to travel to Lakewood or if I just felt the need to be inspired. It's actually a bit of both, along with being able to see my Earth Angel and BFF Cindy and sharing in the magic of the day's message. The sermon was titled, "Simple Acts, Ample Blessings." In a nutshell, it was just a reminder that if you give selflessly to others, whether in the form of your time, money or whatever you can offer, you will receive blessings in ways you couldn't imagine. There were some amazing examples of everyday people doing what they could do to enrich the life of another and I was moved to tears.
Afterwards, I purchased a CD of the day's service and we went outside to chat for a bit. Cindy was talking about the retreat she wants to open, as well as maybe sending me to Hawaii for training with Doreen Virtue. I really like the way she thinks!!! Her dream is to open a holistic retreat that offers wellness services of all kinds: massage, counseling, spa services, readings, etc. She's already proclaimed that I'll play a part in this wonderment. I'm very excited to be contributing to people's well-being, especially in this day and age when everyone seems to pack so much into their lives that they forget to take care of themselves and end up falling into dis-ease.
Speaking of packing alot into one day... we then went to Olive Garden for lunch. We were seated at a small table and it was peaceful...until Gramps and a couple of Hens were seated next to us. None of them could hear, so essentially, they were shouting at each other throughout their conversations of who has recently died and 'kids' these days. What I'd hoped would be a relaxing meal turned into an opportunity for me to showcase my sarcasm. Bad Stephanie! Fast-forward to the eats--> My brother chose chicken alfredo pizza and I ordered parmesan crusted tilapia with Italian vegetables and angel hair pasta in a lemon butter sauce. I dove into the salad and indulged in only one bread stick. I then picked around my entree and ate until I was satisfied, not stuffed. I actually think my fish was a little underdone, so that helped keep my appetite in check. Next stop: grocery shopping. After a pretty uneventful trip around Wallyworld, my wallet was $27 lighter (not well thought out on my part) and I was feeling a bit zombie-like. I still wanted to get my hair cut (using my $5 off coupon) before I went home and got horizontal on my knock-off Tempur-pedic. Have I mentioned yet that it was hotter than the hubs of Hell outside? Good gravy, I was sweltering wherever we went! And getting back into a hot car after each stop was really draining what little energy I had left.
To that end, we rounded out the day with an impromptu stop at Dairy Queen for a frozen treat. I ordered a small Oreo blizzard and enjoyed each red plastic spoonful. That is, while trying not to breathe through my nose because some kid shit their pants and their mom was too busy talking to change the damn diaper!!! I was able to keep my blizzard in check and we came home. I changed out of jeans and into shorts before assuming my position on the couch. I clicked on the football game and turned on the crackbox. It wasn't long before I shut both off and drug my worn-out self into my bedroom and collapsed into bed. I had been awake for more than 24 hours and I had had enough; it was time to get sideways! I was awakened 1.5 hours later by my phone ringing: it was Grandma. She has been a bit late getting home and wanted to call us. I called her back (so she wouldn't have to pay for the call) and we chatted for a bit. She said Fishing Tournament went well and they decided to hold the festival again next year. All in all, everything was fine on at both homesteads, so we cut our call short. I told her I love her and I'll talk to her again next week. I proceeded to fall back into slumber for a couple more hours. And here I am!
Afterwards, I purchased a CD of the day's service and we went outside to chat for a bit. Cindy was talking about the retreat she wants to open, as well as maybe sending me to Hawaii for training with Doreen Virtue. I really like the way she thinks!!! Her dream is to open a holistic retreat that offers wellness services of all kinds: massage, counseling, spa services, readings, etc. She's already proclaimed that I'll play a part in this wonderment. I'm very excited to be contributing to people's well-being, especially in this day and age when everyone seems to pack so much into their lives that they forget to take care of themselves and end up falling into dis-ease.
Speaking of packing alot into one day... we then went to Olive Garden for lunch. We were seated at a small table and it was peaceful...until Gramps and a couple of Hens were seated next to us. None of them could hear, so essentially, they were shouting at each other throughout their conversations of who has recently died and 'kids' these days. What I'd hoped would be a relaxing meal turned into an opportunity for me to showcase my sarcasm. Bad Stephanie! Fast-forward to the eats--> My brother chose chicken alfredo pizza and I ordered parmesan crusted tilapia with Italian vegetables and angel hair pasta in a lemon butter sauce. I dove into the salad and indulged in only one bread stick. I then picked around my entree and ate until I was satisfied, not stuffed. I actually think my fish was a little underdone, so that helped keep my appetite in check. Next stop: grocery shopping. After a pretty uneventful trip around Wallyworld, my wallet was $27 lighter (not well thought out on my part) and I was feeling a bit zombie-like. I still wanted to get my hair cut (using my $5 off coupon) before I went home and got horizontal on my knock-off Tempur-pedic. Have I mentioned yet that it was hotter than the hubs of Hell outside? Good gravy, I was sweltering wherever we went! And getting back into a hot car after each stop was really draining what little energy I had left.
To that end, we rounded out the day with an impromptu stop at Dairy Queen for a frozen treat. I ordered a small Oreo blizzard and enjoyed each red plastic spoonful. That is, while trying not to breathe through my nose because some kid shit their pants and their mom was too busy talking to change the damn diaper!!! I was able to keep my blizzard in check and we came home. I changed out of jeans and into shorts before assuming my position on the couch. I clicked on the football game and turned on the crackbox. It wasn't long before I shut both off and drug my worn-out self into my bedroom and collapsed into bed. I had been awake for more than 24 hours and I had had enough; it was time to get sideways! I was awakened 1.5 hours later by my phone ringing: it was Grandma. She has been a bit late getting home and wanted to call us. I called her back (so she wouldn't have to pay for the call) and we chatted for a bit. She said Fishing Tournament went well and they decided to hold the festival again next year. All in all, everything was fine on at both homesteads, so we cut our call short. I told her I love her and I'll talk to her again next week. I proceeded to fall back into slumber for a couple more hours. And here I am!
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