I don't think I'll ever meet a sane, single man that I want to date!!! *contains some graphic language*

As you know, I've placed myself back on the market in the dating scene. However, I followed the more unconventional path of using the Internet as my "meat market." While you can cover more ground, per se, you also get that many more freaks who want to know if you're kinky, hairy, bi-willing, or whatever the hell else they're into. I was just educated as to what a Donkey Punch and a Dirty Sanchez are!

I have active profiles on Yahoo personals and Tango. My results have run the gamut, from "I want you to move here and marry me" within the first few minutes of chatting to "When I see a big black dick, I get weak." And yes, that last statement was made by a man!

Some examples of the guys that are "interested" in me are:

Rod - lives in Denver. He was my first and only "no strings attached" hook-up. I gave up Nickelback tickets to go out with this guy. While he is a nice guy, he has nothing to write home about!!! (READ: he was so small, I couldn't feel it). I don't think you were aptly named, my friend. And I'm still pissed about missing Nickelback!!!!!!!!!

Todd - lives in Denver. Your run-of-the-mill freak that started with the sex questions before even saying hello. It's unfortunate, because he's really cute!

Alex - lives in Florida with his son and wants me to move there to be with him. He's about 10 years older than me and I'm definitely not attracted to him. Meh...

Jeff - lives in Connecticut and thinks we're already married because I talked to him. I don't think I signed up for this bullshit!!!

Antonio - lives in Denver, but it seems everyone he's related to, including his former wife, are dead. He has a daughter and is trying to sell himself by listing all the things I wrote in my profile back to me as what he is. There's something shady about this guy!

James - lives in Orlando. His favorite color is pink. Enough said!

Dave - lives in Houston. He's the one that gets weak when he sees a big, black dick. He's the freakiest of the freaks I've come in contact with. He was deleted immediately!

Steve - lives in San Diego. He's an old geezer looking for a young girl to play with his wrinkled weenie. NOT IT!!!

Giorgio - lives in Italy. He practically begged me to chat with him. I added him to my Messenger, and I've not heard one word. Well, I got one word for you - PLAYA!!!

Clint - lives in Austin. He's super cute, but evidently gun-shy. I wrote to him while he was having Internet troubles and couldn't log into Messenger. I haven't heard from him since. I just gave him my email address so he could write, but I guess I scared him!

Johan - lives in Spain. He's a funny guy. We chat often and just have some flirty fun! ;)

Nikos - lives in Greece. He's pretty serious, but an all-around nice guy. We chat from time to time.

Ian - lives in Pittsburgh. He's the youngest, clocking in at 29. He's super-sweet and likes older women. Makes me feel like a cougar. RAWR!!!

Can anyone remind me why I'm searching for a relationship? After reading this crap, it makes me wonder, too! Have things really changed that much since I was last in the dating pool or am I just that oblivious? I'm beginning to wonder.

There you have it! This post is dedicated to Annette and Melissa. They love hearing about my misadventures in love. Maybe I should rename my blog...

Dating sucks!!!

It really shouldn't be this hard to meet a nice guy! Most of them can't see past my "fluffiness" (sounds cuter than "fat") to get to know the real me. And that really sucks! I've tried eHarmony, Chemistry, Yahoo and Craigslist. I'm now a member of a site specifically for fluffy girls and the guys who love them.

I found a really cute guy on this site who I also saw on another site. I took a chance and "smiled" at him and he wrote me a note with his cell phone number. I was so excited! I mean he's really cute!!! And he thinks I am, too! Or so I thought...

I text him and all of the sudden, I'm getting bombarded with texts that were pretty forward and all sexual. This was the most disappointed I've been since, well...my last date. You know what I'm talking about!!!

So, now I guess I'll just have some fun, chat up a few guys who think I'm cute and go on with my lonely existence. You know, guys don't understand that even if I lose weight, I'm still the same person. Nobody's perfect and I'm really getting tired of reading posts looking for "the one" with restrictions so tight that that woman couldn't possibly exist. Guess the jokes on them, huh?

I'm done venting for now. Don't worry, buttercup. Someone will give me more to blog about soon. It never fails!