I don't think I'll ever meet a sane, single man that I want to date!!! *contains some graphic language*

As you know, I've placed myself back on the market in the dating scene. However, I followed the more unconventional path of using the Internet as my "meat market." While you can cover more ground, per se, you also get that many more freaks who want to know if you're kinky, hairy, bi-willing, or whatever the hell else they're into. I was just educated as to what a Donkey Punch and a Dirty Sanchez are!

I have active profiles on Yahoo personals and Tango. My results have run the gamut, from "I want you to move here and marry me" within the first few minutes of chatting to "When I see a big black dick, I get weak." And yes, that last statement was made by a man!

Some examples of the guys that are "interested" in me are:

Rod - lives in Denver. He was my first and only "no strings attached" hook-up. I gave up Nickelback tickets to go out with this guy. While he is a nice guy, he has nothing to write home about!!! (READ: he was so small, I couldn't feel it). I don't think you were aptly named, my friend. And I'm still pissed about missing Nickelback!!!!!!!!!

Todd - lives in Denver. Your run-of-the-mill freak that started with the sex questions before even saying hello. It's unfortunate, because he's really cute!

Alex - lives in Florida with his son and wants me to move there to be with him. He's about 10 years older than me and I'm definitely not attracted to him. Meh...

Jeff - lives in Connecticut and thinks we're already married because I talked to him. I don't think I signed up for this bullshit!!!

Antonio - lives in Denver, but it seems everyone he's related to, including his former wife, are dead. He has a daughter and is trying to sell himself by listing all the things I wrote in my profile back to me as what he is. There's something shady about this guy!

James - lives in Orlando. His favorite color is pink. Enough said!

Dave - lives in Houston. He's the one that gets weak when he sees a big, black dick. He's the freakiest of the freaks I've come in contact with. He was deleted immediately!

Steve - lives in San Diego. He's an old geezer looking for a young girl to play with his wrinkled weenie. NOT IT!!!

Giorgio - lives in Italy. He practically begged me to chat with him. I added him to my Messenger, and I've not heard one word. Well, I got one word for you - PLAYA!!!

Clint - lives in Austin. He's super cute, but evidently gun-shy. I wrote to him while he was having Internet troubles and couldn't log into Messenger. I haven't heard from him since. I just gave him my email address so he could write, but I guess I scared him!

Johan - lives in Spain. He's a funny guy. We chat often and just have some flirty fun! ;)

Nikos - lives in Greece. He's pretty serious, but an all-around nice guy. We chat from time to time.

Ian - lives in Pittsburgh. He's the youngest, clocking in at 29. He's super-sweet and likes older women. Makes me feel like a cougar. RAWR!!!

Can anyone remind me why I'm searching for a relationship? After reading this crap, it makes me wonder, too! Have things really changed that much since I was last in the dating pool or am I just that oblivious? I'm beginning to wonder.

There you have it! This post is dedicated to Annette and Melissa. They love hearing about my misadventures in love. Maybe I should rename my blog...

Dating sucks!!!

It really shouldn't be this hard to meet a nice guy! Most of them can't see past my "fluffiness" (sounds cuter than "fat") to get to know the real me. And that really sucks! I've tried eHarmony, Chemistry, Yahoo and Craigslist. I'm now a member of a site specifically for fluffy girls and the guys who love them.

I found a really cute guy on this site who I also saw on another site. I took a chance and "smiled" at him and he wrote me a note with his cell phone number. I was so excited! I mean he's really cute!!! And he thinks I am, too! Or so I thought...

I text him and all of the sudden, I'm getting bombarded with texts that were pretty forward and all sexual. This was the most disappointed I've been since, well...my last date. You know what I'm talking about!!!

So, now I guess I'll just have some fun, chat up a few guys who think I'm cute and go on with my lonely existence. You know, guys don't understand that even if I lose weight, I'm still the same person. Nobody's perfect and I'm really getting tired of reading posts looking for "the one" with restrictions so tight that that woman couldn't possibly exist. Guess the jokes on them, huh?

I'm done venting for now. Don't worry, buttercup. Someone will give me more to blog about soon. It never fails!

I'm trying...

I'm ready to start dating again, but am not into going to clubs or bars to try to find a suitable guy. So instead, I subscribed to eHarmony in July. I only opted for one month because I wanted to dip my toe in the pool and check out the water. And while they sent me matches "according to my personality profile", I didn't feel like any of them clicked. I had no correspondence at all, so that was $60 wasted.

In August, I decided to try Chemistry. I got an "interested in you" before I became a paying member. Of course, you can't see anything about this person unless you cough up the cash. Another $50 flew out of my wallet. My "interested in you" guy's name is Matt. I think he's pretty cute and I fit in the description parameters he set up. So, I sent two guided questions as the next step in our communication. He sent me his and I answered. It's been 9 days and no reply...! Next, Scott send me some questions. I answer his; he answers mine. The next step is secure email through the site. He sends me a message, and I send one back. That was a week ago. Maybe I'm just expecting too much because our initial communications happened so fast, but damn it! This is so frustrating. This subscription ends on the day I leave for PA. If nothing comes of it before then, I'm done. If it's meant to be, it will be.

That's my post for tonight.

I'm done!

Today marks the day that I'm officially done putting up with my mother's indifference to anyone but herself!

My grandma called me tonight, kind of frantic, after hearing through the Tidioute grapevine that my brother Howard is homeless. Unfortunately, this was not news to me, but I didn't want my grandma to find out because she's a worrier and she'll worry herself right into being sick! I called Howard's work to see if he was there and he was. The night supervisor was gracious enough to go find him for me so I could talk to him. We have a plan in place to find him an apartment he can afford, and I'm going to buy a pre-paid cell phone so we can keep in contact, as well as a gift card he can use for whatever he may need.

I'm also looking into lawyers to help me decide what to do with the family home. This, in and of itself, has been a real point of contention in the family since dad died and mom pulled her stupid-ass stunt! She never listens to anyone and when things don't turn out like she thinks they should, she gives up.

I won't go into everything she's done (for now), but I will tell you what she did to bring me to this conclusion tonight. Howard asked her if he could move into her 2 bedroom apartment since things didn't work out where he was. She told him NO! I cannot fucking believe she said no, especially since: 1) he is her child, 2) he borrowed money from his 401K to help her out, 3) he's loaned her a bunch of money on other occassions, 4) she's run up all kinds of bills in his name and couldn't give a shit about how it's affected him... The list goes on and on, but I will not.

As soon as I get Howard into an apartment and up on his feet again, "mother dearest" is getting a not-so-nice phone call from me! I will not put up with her shit anymore and she's going to know about it. I'm done!!!

And if any of you have any leads I can use to get Howard into an affordable apartment in Warren, or know of anyone who will fix his car on the cheap, please, please contact me and let me know. I haven't lived there in a very long time, and I have no idea where to start.

Thanks for listening to me vent. I think I'm done now.

Another Friday night at home

Meeting someone that you might want to go on a date with is nearly impossible in a city where everyone is on the go and no one takes the time to stop and smell the roses. I was over the bar/party scene soon after I turned 21. I don't believe such settings are a good place to look for someone to date, anyway.

Most guys here are the "J Crew" type, always off to climb a 14, mountain biking, or snowboarding in the mountains. Don't get me wrong, it's great that they find enjoyment in such activities, but I'm just not that athletic. I'd like to be again, and am on a path to doing so, but I'm not there yet. Needless to say, I don't get a second look, sometimes not even a first, from the cuties out here.

I paid for a month on e-Harmony and nothing panned out. I was pretty specific about what I was looking for and very honest about who I am and what I look like. I still got matches that were outside the parameters I set up. What's the point of filling out a profile that takes for-FUCKIN'-ever to fill out if they don't even consider your answers. After I closed communications with countless "matches", they started shoveling "flexible matches" at me. There's $60 I won't get back. I could have used that money to buy Little Debbie snacks to drown my sorrows in! It would have been a more enjoyable experience!!!

So, I filled out a profile on Chemistry.com. I got an email saying, "You have someone interested in you." I log in only to find that I have to pay $50 to find out that Matt is probably not someone I'm compatible with. These dating sites have us singles by the balls and they don't even care that we might want to have kids one day as they're squeezing the life right out of our poor cajones!!! Plus the fact that I will not shovel at least $50 per month looking for a guy that may or may not be the right guy for me. Just forget it...

I'll just do my thing and pray that God and the angels will finally bless me with a man that I deem worthy of sharing my life with. I've settled too many times in my life out of fear of being alone and I won't do it again. He'll have to be everything I want. I don't ask for too much. I want him to be tobacco-free, a non-alcoholic, respectful, honest, romantic, responsible, hygienic, funny, successful and sweet. I make these demands because I've dated men who don't have the above qualities and it just plain SUCKS!!! I won't settle anymore, even if it means I will be the cat lady at the end of the street in the scary house.

Well, there's my Friday night rant. Take it, leave it, whatever. Enjoy your weekend!!!