What a shame!

I've been in a real funk lately with no signs of improvement on the horizon.  At this moment, it would be a great time to cry.  Unfortunately, I have to work tonight, therefore it's not a good time to do so.

It's pretty damn sad when you have to schedule time to feel...

I had to take a detour

After much agonizing and rationalizing, I have decided not to start college this fall - maybe not at all.  To be honest, I enrolled thinking it would ignite something inside me.  I'm still searching for my passion and I know being a desk jockey is not it.  A minimum commitment of four years and thousands of dollars doesn't feel right to me without knowing for sure what I want to do for the rest of my life.  I've entertained dozens of career possibilities, but none has piqued my interest enough for forever.

*sigh*  Now, I just have to figure out what it is I do want to do...

A baby step

Yesterday afternoon, I purchased a case (10) of 12" x 12" canvas so I can start painting.  It's my first step in reigniting my creativity.  I'm very excited and cannot wait to get started.  They will arrive at Meininger Art Supply on Broadway in Denver (http://www.meininger.com/) on July 15th.  If I get around to it before, I'll go buy some basic supplies:  brushes, paint, etc.  If not, I'll just pick up some stuff when I get my canvas.

SO EXCITED!!!

Bucket List

I'll be able to check one item off my bucket list as of July 23, 2010.  On that day, I'll be volunteering to help build a Habitat for Humanity house in Denver with some friends from Denver Health.  I'm super stoked!!!

I am

I've fallen into a funk again.  I'm so bored with every aspect of my life, I could just SCREAM!  Instead of scaring everyone and possibly beckoning the police to my door, I've shed a few tears and am contemplating something...anything that will shake me out of my rut.  I even looked into couch surfing across the country in search of my promised land.  I didn't seriously entertain that thought, but it was an interesting escape.

I'm re-evaluating my job, college, Denver...EVERYTHING!  Although I work in the Emergency Department, I still shuffle papers every night.  Not rewarding in the least and it's excruciatingly boring.  The thought of taking classes for 4+ years just to be confined to a different cubicle is driving me mad.  And what if I end up not liking it?  Then what?!?  I'll have wasted a lot of time and a lot of money and be right back to this square.  FML!!!

I'm not meant to be boxed in.  I'm not meant to work for someone else.  I need to be creative and I need to be my own boss.  I don't want to have to be at work at a certain time, put in this many hours and leave at that time.  If I want to screw off and go to the mountains for a couple of days, I don't want to have to ask anybody except the people I want to go with me.

That being said, I'm going to go soak in a bath and contemplate my next move.  I hope to emerge with a clearer mind and a game plan.