Dating sucks!!!

It really shouldn't be this hard to meet a nice guy! Most of them can't see past my "fluffiness" (sounds cuter than "fat") to get to know the real me. And that really sucks! I've tried eHarmony, Chemistry, Yahoo and Craigslist. I'm now a member of a site specifically for fluffy girls and the guys who love them.

I found a really cute guy on this site who I also saw on another site. I took a chance and "smiled" at him and he wrote me a note with his cell phone number. I was so excited! I mean he's really cute!!! And he thinks I am, too! Or so I thought...

I text him and all of the sudden, I'm getting bombarded with texts that were pretty forward and all sexual. This was the most disappointed I've been since, well...my last date. You know what I'm talking about!!!

So, now I guess I'll just have some fun, chat up a few guys who think I'm cute and go on with my lonely existence. You know, guys don't understand that even if I lose weight, I'm still the same person. Nobody's perfect and I'm really getting tired of reading posts looking for "the one" with restrictions so tight that that woman couldn't possibly exist. Guess the jokes on them, huh?

I'm done venting for now. Don't worry, buttercup. Someone will give me more to blog about soon. It never fails!

I'm trying...

I'm ready to start dating again, but am not into going to clubs or bars to try to find a suitable guy. So instead, I subscribed to eHarmony in July. I only opted for one month because I wanted to dip my toe in the pool and check out the water. And while they sent me matches "according to my personality profile", I didn't feel like any of them clicked. I had no correspondence at all, so that was $60 wasted.

In August, I decided to try Chemistry. I got an "interested in you" before I became a paying member. Of course, you can't see anything about this person unless you cough up the cash. Another $50 flew out of my wallet. My "interested in you" guy's name is Matt. I think he's pretty cute and I fit in the description parameters he set up. So, I sent two guided questions as the next step in our communication. He sent me his and I answered. It's been 9 days and no reply...! Next, Scott send me some questions. I answer his; he answers mine. The next step is secure email through the site. He sends me a message, and I send one back. That was a week ago. Maybe I'm just expecting too much because our initial communications happened so fast, but damn it! This is so frustrating. This subscription ends on the day I leave for PA. If nothing comes of it before then, I'm done. If it's meant to be, it will be.

That's my post for tonight.

I'm done!

Today marks the day that I'm officially done putting up with my mother's indifference to anyone but herself!

My grandma called me tonight, kind of frantic, after hearing through the Tidioute grapevine that my brother Howard is homeless. Unfortunately, this was not news to me, but I didn't want my grandma to find out because she's a worrier and she'll worry herself right into being sick! I called Howard's work to see if he was there and he was. The night supervisor was gracious enough to go find him for me so I could talk to him. We have a plan in place to find him an apartment he can afford, and I'm going to buy a pre-paid cell phone so we can keep in contact, as well as a gift card he can use for whatever he may need.

I'm also looking into lawyers to help me decide what to do with the family home. This, in and of itself, has been a real point of contention in the family since dad died and mom pulled her stupid-ass stunt! She never listens to anyone and when things don't turn out like she thinks they should, she gives up.

I won't go into everything she's done (for now), but I will tell you what she did to bring me to this conclusion tonight. Howard asked her if he could move into her 2 bedroom apartment since things didn't work out where he was. She told him NO! I cannot fucking believe she said no, especially since: 1) he is her child, 2) he borrowed money from his 401K to help her out, 3) he's loaned her a bunch of money on other occassions, 4) she's run up all kinds of bills in his name and couldn't give a shit about how it's affected him... The list goes on and on, but I will not.

As soon as I get Howard into an apartment and up on his feet again, "mother dearest" is getting a not-so-nice phone call from me! I will not put up with her shit anymore and she's going to know about it. I'm done!!!

And if any of you have any leads I can use to get Howard into an affordable apartment in Warren, or know of anyone who will fix his car on the cheap, please, please contact me and let me know. I haven't lived there in a very long time, and I have no idea where to start.

Thanks for listening to me vent. I think I'm done now.

Another Friday night at home

Meeting someone that you might want to go on a date with is nearly impossible in a city where everyone is on the go and no one takes the time to stop and smell the roses. I was over the bar/party scene soon after I turned 21. I don't believe such settings are a good place to look for someone to date, anyway.

Most guys here are the "J Crew" type, always off to climb a 14, mountain biking, or snowboarding in the mountains. Don't get me wrong, it's great that they find enjoyment in such activities, but I'm just not that athletic. I'd like to be again, and am on a path to doing so, but I'm not there yet. Needless to say, I don't get a second look, sometimes not even a first, from the cuties out here.

I paid for a month on e-Harmony and nothing panned out. I was pretty specific about what I was looking for and very honest about who I am and what I look like. I still got matches that were outside the parameters I set up. What's the point of filling out a profile that takes for-FUCKIN'-ever to fill out if they don't even consider your answers. After I closed communications with countless "matches", they started shoveling "flexible matches" at me. There's $60 I won't get back. I could have used that money to buy Little Debbie snacks to drown my sorrows in! It would have been a more enjoyable experience!!!

So, I filled out a profile on Chemistry.com. I got an email saying, "You have someone interested in you." I log in only to find that I have to pay $50 to find out that Matt is probably not someone I'm compatible with. These dating sites have us singles by the balls and they don't even care that we might want to have kids one day as they're squeezing the life right out of our poor cajones!!! Plus the fact that I will not shovel at least $50 per month looking for a guy that may or may not be the right guy for me. Just forget it...

I'll just do my thing and pray that God and the angels will finally bless me with a man that I deem worthy of sharing my life with. I've settled too many times in my life out of fear of being alone and I won't do it again. He'll have to be everything I want. I don't ask for too much. I want him to be tobacco-free, a non-alcoholic, respectful, honest, romantic, responsible, hygienic, funny, successful and sweet. I make these demands because I've dated men who don't have the above qualities and it just plain SUCKS!!! I won't settle anymore, even if it means I will be the cat lady at the end of the street in the scary house.

Well, there's my Friday night rant. Take it, leave it, whatever. Enjoy your weekend!!!

Meh...

I'm sitting at home on my final day of four off, and I'm thinking about: 1) what I'm doing with my life, 2) what happened to my love life, and 3) how I can spend the most time with my friends while I'm home the first week of September without leaving anyone out.

1) I'm so bored with my life right now I could literally SCREAM!!! I know what you're going to say; fix it. Well, that's another problem - I don't know how! I have a job, not a career. I'm interested in so many things, that I find it impossible to nail down just one to pursue because I'm afraid I'll get bored, which I do very easily, and I'll have wasted so much time for nothing. Sharon said my path in life is a teacher. And while teaching is a very noble profession, I hadn't entertained that idea at all because it didn't seem like something I'd like to do. Then, I started thinking about it and realized how fulfilling it could be to enrich the lives of children. I'm fast approaching 37, and the thought of going back to college to earn a teaching degree is a bit daunting. UGH!!!

2) My love life has been non-existant for over a year now. I dumped Dumbass in May 2008 and have been single since. I don't need to be in a relationship. I can count on one hand how many real relationships I've been in. I'm pretty independent and an overall happy person. With that being said, I WANT to be in a relationship! I miss having someone care about me. I miss caring about someone. I miss making dates, and being excited each moment up until the big day. I miss feeling my stomach do flips at the sound of his voice, the touch of his hand, the kiss of his lips. I miss being called silly pet names, like "honey", "baby", "sweetie". I MISS THE SEX!!! I miss being surprised by a single flower, a romantic card, or a little trinket that reminds him of me, on any given day. I miss getting that goofy grin on my face when I think of him. I miss laying in bed all night, talking about anything that comes to mind until the wee hours of the morning. I just miss having a "him"...

3) I'm so looking forward to coming home in September because I really miss my family and friends! I don't get to see them often enough because it's too expensive and just a flat-out pain-in-the-ass to travel back and forth to PA a lot. This trip, we're only going to be in Tidioute for 3-1/2 days and then it's off to Ephrata for 2-1/2 before coming home. I do hope everything works out so I can see everyone I want to. I'm going to venture a guess that my family is going to do a cook-out on Saturday, which will be great! I have so little time to smash the last 3 years into since our last visit. I'd love to have a friend gathering with a large campfire, ice cold beers, classic rock blasting, and lots of laughs. That's my idea of fun in my Hicktown! Maybe we can integrate the two into a huge party... Then, it's off on a 6 hour road trip to Ephrata to see our other buddies in Pennsyltucky.

On another note, Country Jam in Grand Junction was a good time. We arrived at the cow pasture around 1 PM, and wandered around until Phil Vassar started playing at 5. I'll know next time not to arrive until who I want to see is about to perform because it's too much sun and heat to have to endure just waiting. Phil, Jason Aldean and Big & Rich were great, though, and I wouldn't have traded it for anything. I shook hands with Two Foot Fred; he's a nice guy. Next year, Miranda Lambert, Alan Jackson, Trace Adkins and Keith Urban will be the headliners. I have tickets to see Trace Adkins and Keith Urban this year, so I don't know if I'll go next year.

We spent Saturday in Vail, which was nice, but expensive! It was really hot and there wasn't too much to do other than shopping. We went to Garfinkel's for dinner because it was the least expensive of the real restaurants in the area. Hamilton got a chicken quesadilla for an appetizer, Chicken Broccoli fetuccine as his entree and two margaritas. I got Blackened Mahi-Mahi, grilled vegetables (zucchini, summer squash, asparagus, roasted red peppers, carrots), fries, and two Long Island iced teas. I barely touched my fries because it was just too much and I was really into the veggies and Mahi. We had a nice, laid-back dinner, a couple of drinks, then asked for the check. Our bill was $83!!! Good Gravy! We should have just eaten at the BBQ festival.

I guess that's all for now. Later days!